Or Am I Dreaming
by KateToast
Summary: Sometimes at night she dreams of fixing bright blue vans, wearing a dark jumpsuit, and when she wakes up she muses that she must have been a mechanic in another life. But not in this one, no. Sideways!Jacket, David, eventual Suliet.
1. Beginning

**A/N: **Multi-chapter story taking place in the Sideways. Love Juliet in any 'verse. Thank you to everyone who has read and reviewed my previous stories; I greatly appreciate feedback.

**XXX**

There are some days Juliet wakes up and wonders, _Why am I even doing this?_ Sometimes at night she dreams of fixing bright blue vans, wearing a dark jumpsuit, and when she wakes up she muses that she must have been a mechanic in another life.

But not in this one, no, she has gone for the doctor route, making her family immensely proud and entertaining dreams of helping pregnant women.

Today she's late for rounds of course - bad days for an intern always involve tardiness (and tardiness always leads to missing that direly needed cup of coffee from the good cart on the second floor of the hospital) – and is pulling her lab coat on as she practically sprints down the hallway, trying to catch up with her resident before too much damage is done. There is still a possibility of salvaging the horrible morning she's having, and that begins with making it to rounds before they're over.

Juliet is totally involved in whipping out her small notepad and pen from her breast pocket when she collides with someone else. The notepad goes flying, and Juliet almost does as well if not for the strong hands that had automatically reached out to steady her.

"Oh, I'm so sorry," she apologizes profusely, gathering her dropped belongings. "I wasn't looking where I was going, it's just, I'm late for rounds, and my car wouldn't start, and my alarm didn't go off, and my neighbor seems to have gone on a _very_ good date last night-"

She realizes she is rambling about her woes to a complete stranger whom she has not even made eye contact with yet, and stops mid-sentence. Finally pulling herself together, Juliet looks at the face of her collision-buddy, praying he is not the chief of anything.

He is in blue scrubs, holding a chart, the usual appearance for a doctor, but it is his face that strikes Juliet. She is staring at him, at his short brown hair and deep brown eyes, his bemused expression with a hint of a smile stretching his stubbled face, and then she remembers herself and looks away.

"Sounds like you're having a rough morning," he says kindly.

"One of those days," she responds, shrugging. There is something about this man she cannot place, a feeling he gives her, like she has known him before. She notices that he is still watching her intently as well, and wonders if he is experiencing the same thing.

"I'm sorry," he begins again, shaking his head a little, "but have we met?"

"I don't think so," Juliet replies, holding out her hand. "I'm an intern. Juliet Carlson."

He takes her proffered hand, gives it one lingering shake. "Jack Shephard. Neurosurgeon." He continues to look at her curiously.

"I'm, uh, late for rounds," she repeats, taking her hand back, smoothing down her wavy blonde hair, suddenly self-conscious. She's heard of Dr. Shephard and how talented he is, but hadn't realized he was so good-looking, or that there was just _something_ about him she could not help but be drawn to, even after sharing only a few sentences.

"Who's your resident?" he asks.

"Dr. Roth."

"He can be pretty tough on interns," Jack says knowledgably. "Especially when they're late. Tell him I held you up with a patient, he probably won't bother you about it, and then you can just get to work."

Juliet blinks. "Are you sure? You don't even know me. I could be lying about everything… maybe I stole this lab coat and I don't even work here."

Jack chuckles. "Juliet the Intern. I know you now, and I trust you."

"Well… thanks," she replies slowly, unexplainably wishing she could prolong this moment, that Dr. Roth and her fellow interns weren't probably down the hall bashing her for being late (why can she see this stranger telling her he trusts her on a beach, by a jungle?). "I owe you one."

It is time to break eye contact, because at this point, even using Jack's excuse, Juliet will still get reprimanded for being so late. She gives him a brief smile and then moves past him down the hall, feeling colder as she goes.

"Juliet," he calls. She stops and turns; he looks bashful, boyish. "Would, uh… would you want to get dinner sometime?"

It is out of the blue; they have had one conversation in the middle of a hospital corridor, and all they really know about each other is names and statuses. It is probably inappropriate to accept, makes no sense he is even asking in the first place because right now she is just a promising intern and he is a young surgical god.

"Sure," she says, unable to stop beaming. After a moment of the two of them just smiling at each other she starts, flipping open her notepad and quickly jotting down her number. He steps forward, accepting the offered paper. "I should warn you, I work horrible hours without any flexibility," she jokes.

Jack laughs. "Don't worry, so do I." He looks at her number, then back at her. "I'll call you."

"I look forward to it," Juliet says happily. She remembers rounds and feels a wave of panic. "Thanks for the offer to use you as an excuse, I'm going to need anything I can get."

"I'll talk to you soon," Jack promises, and for some reason she trusts him fully, too. "Good luck!" he shouts after her.

Dr. Roth is beyond pissed and barely listens to her explanation that Dr. Jack Shephard had needed a favor before jumping into the berating. Her peers watch this 'teaching moment'; all obviously glad it is not they on the receiving end.

Juliet is hardly listening. Her mind is back in the hallway with Jack, focused on the connection she felt to him. She wonders why she could have sworn for a split second she remembered kissing him in the bright sunlight, a gun slung around her shoulder.

**XXX**


	2. Happy

**A/N: **Thank you for the reviews everyone, I love knowing people are out there reading my little stories (of course, who doesn't like that?).

**XXX**

"I love you," Jack says to her as they lie in bed. The sun is starting to creep through the window, signaling morning, time to get up and save lives and bring babies into the world.

It is the first time either of them has said the words in the months they've been dating, and she is torn between surprise and relief. She has not been able to quell the nagging fear that another woman is going to swoop in and steal his heart away (_or maybe it isn't hers to begin with_).

"I love you too," Juliet responds, kissing him hard, a little desperate. She does not mention the dream she had, the one where a man with shaggy blonde hair had been holding her close, whispering in her ear, his scruffy cheek tickling her neck. He is only in her mind; Jack is here, and real, and telling her he loves her. The dream man is forgotten by breakfast.

"I don't know what it is," Jack begins slowly, "but it's just so… so easy, to be with you. Us."

"I know how you feel," she says. "It all just makes sense, doesn't it?"

He smiles and nods, kissing her forehead. "And of course my dad loves that we're both doctors, at his hospital," he adds.

She laughs to herself as they both get out of bed, head to the bathroom. He hops in the shower while she brushes her teeth. "Oh, I got you a razor," she says, sliding open the shower door and handing it to him. He stares at it a moment too long, looking confused and far away. "Is it… all right? I figured since you're over here so much-"

"No, no, this is great," he tells her, recovering, plastering on a bright smile. "Thank you."

She does not press the topic, and tries not to worry too much (because the look on his face must be just like the one she has when she sees things, too, things that have no explanation and no reason to be in her mind).

A few months later Jack proposes, making their entire courtship from meeting in the hospital to getting engaged on a tropical vacation a little over a year. Juliet accepts joyful and teary, totally in love, and actively ignoring the tiny voice in her head that says things like _this is wrong_ and _he doesn't really love you_ and _please wait, there's someone else for you_. She's beginning to think she's going crazy but hides it all away from Jack, ready to be utterly, blissfully happy.

**XXX**


	3. Unhappy

**A/N: **Thanks for the continued interest, all :) It's always nice to know people out there are intrigued by one's stories! Also, though I am quite the Jater and Suliet fan, I must admit I am enjoying taking a stab at Jacket.

**XXX**

David is the cutest kid, and Juliet does not think that just because she is biased as his mother. He has a quiet, laid-back disposition, and outwardly he seems more like her, but she knows he's a lot like his father, too, beyond just his dark hair and eyes. Anyone looking into his open face is a goner.

(She can't explain why, but she was surprised, when he was born, that he didn't have light hair and clear eyes. At first she tries not to look for the blonde man from her dreams in the baby's tiny features, until David starts to look just like Jack and she can rest easy and _stop_, because this is real life and not a wild and inappropriate fantasy she's made up in her head.)

She and Jack are both so busy all the time, barely seeing each other save for random passes in the hospital hallways and quick instances of lovemaking in bed before it's time to bring David to school or head to work or pass out from exhaustion. Career has always been a huge priority to both of them, but once they'd gotten married and began to settle down, and especially once David came along, Juliet had tried to find a better balance. Jack had not done as well in that department.

Juliet knows Jack's father has been tough on him all of his life, and so she'll often give him a pass when he misses a little league game or parent-teacher conference because of work, because she understands his need to fix people, to not fail. She feels the same, just in a much (much) smaller dose. It is harder to explain to David why Daddy isn't home to read to him before bed when he _promised_ he would the morning before.

What Juliet has a more difficult time rationalizing is Jack's intensity towards David succeeding in everything he does. He had said so many times while she was pregnant that he wanted to be nothing like his own father, but it seemed that declaration was going mostly unfulfilled. Sometimes Juliet can hardly stand his insistence at perfection, his dedication to the hospital and seeming lack of to his family, stops hiding behind her smooth, accepting poker face and rebukes Jack, harsh and no-nonsense. He always apologizes profusely like he is remembering himself all over again, lets David skip practicing the piano and takes him for ice cream, pays extra attention to her sweet spots in bed, and Juliet can recall why she's loved this man all along until he is caught up in something else again.

As a child Juliet had a hard time sticking up for herself against others, a meek personality borne of her parent's divorce and a headstrong older sister. She had never wanted to get divorced, herself; so sure she would never repeat her mother and father's mistake. But at some point between college, residency, and becoming a mother, Juliet has grown quite the backbone. She thinks Jack was part of it, taking a cue from his confidence, his strength, and so it makes her terribly upset when they begin fighting more than normal, but she cannot back down, cannot let things slide by. David is almost a teenager; he needs parents who can focus on _him_ and not primarily just _their_ issues.

"You missed David's spelling bee. You promised him _weeks_ ago you'd be there. We're supposed to be a _family_, Jack. I can't be the only one totally committed to that," she sternly tells him, hands on her hips. He's just gotten home from work; they are standing on opposite sides of the kitchen.

Jack looks defeated, but his face is still hard. Juliet can tell he is beating himself up inside, but she will not cave; enough is enough. "I know that, Juliet. I _am_ committed. I _love_ you and David."

"You have a horrible way of showing it. You're always on him to do well, but you can't follow through and actually _see_ him do well."

They stare at each other. Juliet swears for a moment she can picture him holding a piece of a plate to her neck, and it terrifies her, how active her imagination has become over time. She's thought she has recalled other fights, stupid ones, during past arguments with Jack, except the person she is disputing with is snapping back in a Southern accent.

Jack is leaning on the marble island, his head tilted down to the floor. Juliet runs a hand across her eyes. "How did we get like this, Jack? When did we become these people?"

"I don't know Juliet," he responds regretfully. "I had thought we were… that we were happy…"

"We _were_," Juliet confirms, stepping closer so she is across the island from him. She still feels that connection to him, the one that has existed since they collided in the hospital corridor all those years ago, probably always will, but that is not enough to sustain a marriage. "We never see each other anymore. You hardly spend any time with David and I, the three of us. We've grown apart," she admits, hating to, but it has to be said.

His silence speaks volumes, confirmation of what she has said. "I don't know how to fix this," he finally concedes, and she knows it takes a lot for him to say that.

"I think…" She takes a deep breath, but her voice comes out steady, "I think we should take some time apart. To figure things out."

His eyes are watering. Hers are too, she is sure, and randomly she thinks of David upstairs asleep, gone to bed disappointed that his father did not show up to see him come in first place at the bee. Juliet had tried to be as excited as two parents, but it was not enough. She cannot stand to see her child so upset, especially because of his own father.

"Maybe then we can focus more on our son," she explains, "Like we should be. Our fighting isn't helping him any."

"You're right," Jack agrees, shoulders slumped. His tie is loose, his shirt wrinkled, his forehead creased. She hopes he will not get drunk after this, to dull the pain. "I'm… I'm sorry, Juliet."

Juliet nods, frowning a bit. "I know, Jack. I am too."

"I'll, uh, lemmi just pack some stuff, and I'll…" He will leave, he will let Juliet break the news to their son that his parents are taking a break from each other; he will let Juliet be the good guy, comforting David in this rough time.

Jack heads upstairs. Juliet waits in the kitchen. For some inexplicable reason she is momentarily so glad they are not splitting up because he cheated on her, though she can't stop the feelings of being second best, something she has feared since they got together. But at least it isn't second best to another woman (_this time_, she randomly thinks, and then wonders where that came from).

**XXX**


	4. Restless

**A/N:** If you can believe it, this story is already winding to a close. I had this whole thing written before I started posting, because I am just testing the multi-chapter waters once more, since it has been so long for me! I know this story doesn't get into too much detail about their actual lives, but that's how I had wanted it (a bit of an abstract, removed look). Perhaps in the future I will add in vignettes for the life of Juliet, Jack and David.

Thanks to the reviewers out there; your feedback has been absolutely wonderful.

**XXX**

After a few months of separation, they decide divorce is the best option for everyone. Juliet takes primary custody of David (he had begged her, late one night when he couldn't sleep, saying over and over he didn't want to live with his dad which had made her very sad) and keeps the house; Jack has gotten an apartment closer to the hospital. She remembers wistfully how good it had been in their younger years, but those days are gone.

Following the split, everything is surprisingly amicable. They stop fighting almost altogether, except for the few times she gets frustrated that he is still not as involved in David's life as any of them would like, but then again divorce does not add hours of togetherness to the day. Neither of them leaves the hospital; there is no need to, because they've always worked well together, and being in different specialties mean they each have their space. When Juliet passes Jack at the nurse's station she smiles, and he says hello or makes some comment or joke, and she gives a dry or witty response, and it is okay.

(They don't discuss the dates each of them goes on. Juliet sees a man named Goodwin for a short time, but it doesn't feel right with him, and she is not ready to introduce a new guy into David's life when it obviously isn't long term. She knows that Jack at least dates one woman after they split, because she is a patient and it is all the hospital buzzes about for a week. That one doesn't last, either.)

On the days Jack lives up to his promises of spending time with David and he comes to pick their son up (and these days begin happening more and more often, Juliet notices gladly), neither of them mention the family vacations they used to take, the movie nights, the early mornings he would wake her up with kisses on her neck or the late nights when she would pull him onto the bed as he undressed from work. They don't need to talk about it; they both remember.

He is trying with David, but their son has gotten to that difficult age where he is sullen and quiet to anyone who bothers him, and Jack is generally on the receiving end. Juliet urges David to spend more time with his dad, who has been making such an impressive effort since they broke up to be more involved in David's life, but the boy is still hurting from earlier years. They only end up seeing each other once or twice a month, between Jack's unyielding devotion to the hospital and David's unwillingness to find more time for his father. Juliet hopes one day they will meet in the middle and find some common ground, see how similar they really are.

Juliet has to fly down to Miami short notice, her sister Rachel in a crisis of some sort, and she apologizes continuously to David about missing his audition as she packs.

"Invite your father," she suggests, zipping the luggage closed. "You know how much he loves to hear you play. I'm sure he would be so proud."

David shrugs. "Maybe," he mumbles.

When she returns a few days later, Jack and David are in the kitchen eating Chinese take-out, laughing together. "Did I walk into the wrong house?" she asks, confused and delighted.

"Mom!" David says excitedly, jumping up. She hugs her son, kisses the top of his head. Jack has stood as well; looking like that bashful young man he'd been when he asked her out. "Hey, how was your trip?" he questions.

"Good. I think Rachel and Eric are going to work things out," she affirms. "You guys eating some dinner?"

"Oh, yeah, me and Dad stopped by the music store after practice and got some new sheet music, he was helping me out with it."

"That's great, sweetie," Juliet says happily, smoothing down his dark hair, taking in his young, eager face. Juliet locks eyes with Jack and he is grinning at their son, and she hopes he can understand through eye contact that she'll need an explanation for this drastic change later.

"C'mon, we got enough for you. We weren't sure what time your flight was getting in, but we figured you'd be hungry because we know how you hate plane food…" David rambles on, leading her towards the table, chatting about school and going into detail about his audition as his parents listen intently.

Juliet stares across the table at Jack, unable to help it. The love written all over his face for David is endearing, and reminds her of when their son was young and their family was intact. She knows they can never go back to that, doesn't think she even wants to, but it is nice to see them getting along so well now. A part of her will always love Jack, but lately there has been something else nagging at her, a tiny voice floating around telling her that he wasn't the only guy for her. It's comforting.

The other night she had a horrible dream, one that'd been recurring for a while now: it was dark and she was being crushed by metal, but there was that familiar Southern voice, that shaggy blonde hair, an embrace, _Blondie._ No one has ever called her that; Jack has never been one for nicknames. After that dream she always thinks about coffee.

**XXX**


	5. Hello Again

**A/N: **Thank you to reviewers/supporters, love the feedback and the story appreciation. Get ready for some Sideways-James/Juliet (finally)... second to last installment.

**XXX**

A week after David has divulged to her the conversation he and his father had, the understanding they'd come to, it is the day of the museum benefit concert. Juliet has to work all day but has taken the night off; Jack has a sudden surgery to perform but will try to make it as soon as possible. She and David wish Jack goodbye at the hospital and leave to get ready, picking up this mysterious half-sister Claire she has never heard about (now _that_ is a story she's going to have to hear sometime soon). Juliet is worried when she is paged to the hospital, hopes she can rush back and that neither she nor Jack misses too much.

After sorting out her patient's issue, Juliet rushes down the hallway to drop off the chart. She has yet to see Jack and figures he must still be in surgery or hopefully already at the concert, so at least one of them is there to support David. She's turning around to grab her purse and shawl when she hears commotion from inside the break room.

Juliet wanders into the doorway, raising an eyebrow at the man kneeling before the vending machine, trying to steal a candy bar. She notices his shaggy blonde hair but shakes off the familiarity.

"Can I help you?"

"It's okay… I'm a… I'm a cop." His Southern accent is funny to hear in Los Angeles, but certainly not unpleasant.

She feels generous towards him, and possibly something else unnamable. "If you unplug it, then plug it back in again… the candy just drops right down."

He tries it, drops the candy bar; she is thoroughly amused by him. There is something about him that pulls her forward, sort of like the day she bumped into Jack, but this is even stronger, if possible.

"It worked," she says, handing him the treat. His fingers brush hers and she sees things, things she has seen before, but all at once, as if she is re-living them right this second.

"Whoa," he says, jumping back from her touch. "Did you feel that?"

He was in all of the flashes, this man from her dreams, and by the look on his face she was in his, too. "We should get coffee sometime," she blurts out, stepping towards him, wanting to see more, to _feel_ more.

"I'd love to but the machine just ate my dollar, I only got one left," he explains in a rush, getting closer to her as well.

His name is on the tip of her tongue, his taste on her lips, and she thinks she already knows her way around his entire body, and his heart. "We can go Dutch," she offers, not for the first time.

"Juliet."

After they touch again, and the flashes are over, and she remembers, she _remembers_ (she tasered him, he taunted her, she studied him, he mistrusted her, she proved herself, he accepted her, she got his back, he got her back, he asked for two weeks, she stayed for three years, he gave her yellow flowers, she cooked him dinners, he screamed her name, she fell down a hole, he loved her, she _loved_ him, Sawyer, Jim, _James_) everything makes total, absolute, perfect sense.

"Kiss me, James!" she commands, laughing, crying, thinking of everything at once.

(The island, Edmund Burke, Rachel's cancer, David's birth, Benjamin Linus, the Others, the Dharma Initiative, her wedding to Jack, Kate Austen, Oceanic 815, David's first day of school, running through the jungle, the smoke monster, lying in bed with Jack, performing an appendectomy on him, David's smile after losing his first tooth, James in a cage, James shooting Tom, James talking to her on the dock, waking up to James in her bed, dancing with him at a new recruits party, fixing vans, watching pregnant women die, James holding her close, kissing her desperately, David's first piano recital, James handing her a beer, James saying _I love you_.

Dying in his arms.)

He wasn't a dream. None of it was a dream. They were memories; it is all her memories, _their_ memories.

"You got it, Blondie," James says at her request, and he does as he was told.

**XXX**


	6. After That

**A/N:** The end. Thank you to everyone who has read and reviewed, I may need to consider writing more multi-chapter stories in the future!

**XXX**

It takes some time getting used to this new life they are leading, Juliet and James and Jack and Kate and David and their friends from the island. It is strange, how quickly Juliet's life flipped upside down from the touch of one man, the man who ended up meaning everything to her in her previous life. In this life, however, she and Jack have a son, and they cannot forget that, would never _want_ to because they love David so much.

Juliet goes to bed now and dreams of shaggy blonde hair and a stubbled chin and a Southern drawl in her ear, and when she wakes up she sees James lying beside her, sometimes still asleep, sometimes meeting her gaze with a slow grin, and she isn't crazy or suffering from an active imagination because he is _here_, he is _real_, just as much as her lives as Juliet Burke or Juliet Shephard were real, too.

It all just makes so much _sense_ to her, and gives her a peace she has never experienced before.

James and David click almost immediately, and seeing them sitting on the couch watching a football game reminds Juliet of a little yellow house with a warm, inviting bed, nights spent imagining little blonde heads and stubborn personalities and charming, dimpled smiles, family dinners and summer vacations and happiness, absolute _happiness_.

And now they can have it, because they have forever.

**XXX**


End file.
